


I Wish You Weren't My Brother

by crazyfanperson



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Tadashi, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angry Tadashi, Brotherly Love, Child Abuse, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Guilty Tadashi, He doesn't really mean it though, He isn't in his right mind, Hurt Hiro, accidental alcohol abuse, accidental recording
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21558907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyfanperson/pseuds/crazyfanperson
Summary: I just came up with this in a dream one night. Basically Tadashi unintentionally hurts Hiro then freaks out when he finds out about it. Slightly OOC. Might need a trigger warning for violence but to be honest I'm a rubbish writer so I shouldn't affect people too much (or at all). Still better safe than sorry.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

Hiro was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling. He sighed and unknowingly gripped the cover of his bed even tighter, he'd been in that same position for hours just waiting for Tadashi to come home. One of Tadashi's high school friends was throwing a party to celebrate their graduation. Hiro had been really proud of Tadashi, he'd got the highest grades of anyone and had been made valedictorian of his class. Some thought it unfair because Tadashi was naturally smart but Hiro knew it wasn't as easy as they all knew. Despite his natural talent he had been up every night studying in the weeks leading up to the exams. Hiro had often worried if Tadashi had been getting enough sleep but didn't say anything. He knew once Tadashi had something to work for there would be no stopping him.

But where was he now… Hiro couldn't help but worry. He'd heard rumours about the kind of things that go on at high school parties, he himself had never been to one even though he was at high school. But the kids in his grade liked to pick on him because they were all several years older. He had to skip a few grades though, they were just to easy for him. He let loose another sigh and rolled onto his side. His eyes darted up to the clock atop his dresser. 11:54.

'Where was he, he should have been back by now.'

Hiro groaned loudly and got up from his bed. Only to slump down into his desk chair. He could feel his eyes slowly drooping but refused to fall asleep, he wanted to be sure Tadashi was ok. He'd never been out this late before. He swivelled round in his seat to look at Tadashi's side of the room. The paper screen they had to divide their room was draw back slightly so he could see in. As usual Tadashi's bed was neatly made and all his things were organised on his shelves. Hiro stared at it for a while contemplating what to do, when he suddenly felt himself lull again. He sat up sharply trying in desperation to keep his eyes open. It was now 12:14 but he refused to go to sleep until he knew Tadashi was ok; although he rarely admitted it he did care about Tadashi. He suddenly heard the door squeak and looked round at it. A huge smile started growing on his face. It froze in place when Hiro saw that it was only Mochi that had pushed into the room. He gave a disappointed sigh, it was silly to have gotten his hopes up like that.

Mochi eyed him curiously before rushing over to jump on Tadashi's desk. He began scratching at his things so playfully Hiro couldn't help but laugh. After a while of simply watching the cats antics he decided to get out his camera and film it, well at least it would pass the time. It was now 12:39 and Hiro was more tired than he'd ever been but his determination just managed to keep his eyes open. He stumbled over to Tadashi's side of their room and hoisted himself onto his bed. He messed around with Mochi for a good half hour until he was so tired he couldn't even move from his position on Tadashi's bed. He was just about to collapse from sheer exhaustion when the door squeaked again. Every ounce of his tiredness seemed to melt away when he caught sight of his brother standing in the doorway.

"Tadashi!" He cried. He said it quietly, knowing better than to risk disturbing Aunt Cass; but the excitement in his voice was unmistakeable. Tadashi blinked at him with tired eyes as he tried to walk over to his side of the room. He stumbled and staggered a bit knocking into Hiro's desk slightly causing several of his tools and parts to roll off onto the floor with a load clang.

"Woah! Careful." hiro said, ignoring the stuff on the floor as he went to help his brother. He placed a hand on his chest and arm to allow Tadashi the chance to steady himself. He was completely shocked when he felt Tadashi's arm purposely shove him, it wasn't all that hard a push but Hiro was already exhausted from staying up so late. So it was no wonder he tripped over his feet and fell to the floor. He pushed himself up keeping all his weight on his hands as he looked at his brother, completey dumbfounded. Tadashi rested against Hiro's desk glaring at him with a stare that could faze any man. Shame Hiro was only a 12 year old kid. He shifted slightly under his brothers gaze but decided to draw out the awkward silence now present in their room. He felt it better he let Tadashi make the first move, after all he didn't really understand what was going on.

"What are you doing." Tadashi said, and yet at the same time he didn't. It was him speaking, the words fell from his lips. But the voice was not his, it was harsh and cold and carried nothing but contempt. Hiro had never heard Tadashi speak like that before. He was wide awake now as he grabbed onto his bed and hoisted himself up. He took a cautious step forward, staggering slightly, still shaken by Tadashi's cold tone and death stare.

"I was just trying to help." He said nervously. Why? It was just Tadashi. He wasn't scary in any way whatsoever. And yet Hiro couldn't deny the fact that his voice wavered on his quivering lips. Quivering? What was up? Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?

"I don't need any help from _you_." Tadashi said coldly as he began staggering to his bed. He barely got three steps before his knees gave and fell sideways. He would have hit the floor face first had Hiro not caught him. He shook slightly under his brothers immense weight, what was more there was the most awful smell coming from above his head where Tadashi's was resting. Wait a minute. Smell, staggering, party. Of course. Hiro mentally slapped himself for not realising sooner. It was now completely obvious Tadashi was drunk. That wasn't like him. It had only happened once before after a party some friend of his had. Hiro couldn't remember the guys name but he knew he didn't like him, he got a pretty bad vibe from that guy, he defiantly seemed like the type to cause trouble. No doubt he was behind Tadashi's current state. Speaking of which, Hiro wasn't sure he could hold his weight much longer. He wasn't exactly the strongest kid in the world, some of the kids at school would probably label him the worlds weakest. Nevertheless he tried to support his brother whilst edging his way to his bed.

"Woah,careful." Hiro said as Tadashi lurched sideways so he was once again supported by his own legs.

"I told you I didn't need help." He spat, fixing an icy glare on his little brother. Hiro took a step back, the previous anxiety resurfacing in his body.

"Actually you do, see…" Hiro started to reason but Tadashi cut him off.

"You think you know what I need. Ha! I'm think I know myself a bit better than you do Hiro, don't think just cause everyone else sucks up to you because you're smart I going to listen to what you say like it's actually important." Hiro inwardly gasped at this. Was that really what Tadashi thought of him? That he didn't matter? That he thought he was better because he was clever? He hadn't asked to skip grades in school or get extra work and praise. In fact he would willing sacrifice his brain to actually be accepted by people. He'd always felt Tadashi cared for him though, so it hurt to hear him say that.

 _Ignore him._ Hiro told himself. He convinced himself Tadashi just wasn't in his right mind.

"Tadashi you're tired, just let me help you to you bed and then…" Hiro was cut off mind sentence but a sharp pain stabbing at his cheek. He staggered back and fell against his bed post. He brought his hands up to his cheeks and breathed heavily as an icy stillness set over the room.

_No. That didn't happen, it couldn't._

Had Tadashi really hit him. No he wouldn't. Yet the burning pain on his cheek and his brothers cold glare managed to open the door for doubt in his heart.

"Shut up! I don't need a pathetic nerd like you telling me what to do got it." He hissed angrily. Hiro was visibly hurt by this but he tried not to show it.

 _Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's saying he's just had to much to drink at that party and it's affecting his mind. Yeah._ Hiro kept convincing himself of this but he couldn't deny he doubted it just a little bit.

"In fact." Tadashi continued, advancing on him. Hiro backed away instinctively, until he was pressed right up against the end of his bed. What was he doing, why was he acting so scared of his brother. In his right mind or not Tadashi was still Tadashi right? He wouldn't hurt him right? Unfortunately Hiro was smart but he couldn't be right every time. He suddenly found himself hanging upside down by his feet. He cried out in surprise at the sudden movement. When he looked up he was even more surprised to see that Tadashi was the one digging his fingers in his ankles.

"Tadashi what are you doing?" Hiro asked.

"I'm fed up with you never listening to me, so you going to hang here until you promise that from now on you will do everything I say got it." He yelled down at him.

"What? Come on! Tadashi this is silly." Hiro said through a nervous laugh.

"BE QUIET!" He cried, before bringing his knee up into Hiro's stomach. Hiro gasped in pain as the breath was taken from him. He now had no means of reasoning with his brother as a black stripped trainer made contact with his nose. Hot crimson blood began filling it up before flowing over the edges and sliding down his forehead. Hiro felt tears sting his eyes but he refused to give in and cry.

"T-Tadashi, this is-s-sn't f-un-ny. P-Please s-s-st-top-op." He stuttered, while silently cursing the desperation that had found a way to slip into his voice. His reply ended up being a bash to the head and Tadashi dropped him. He slid sideways onto the floor panting, still trying desperately to hold back tears. He pressed his hands to the floor to steady himself when a hand suddenly grabbed his collar.

"Ah." He cried out as he was lifted off his feet to meet Tadashi's cold eyes.

"I thought I told you not to talk back." He spat. He flinched at his brothers dark stare, that seemed to make him even angrier. He punched Hiro's face in forcing fresh blood to flow over the crusted streak going up his forehead. Hiro shut his eyes, desperately praying this was just a dream. He felt a soft cold liquid stream down his cheek, no! He promised himself that he wouldn't cry, that he wouldn't give in to Tadashi's rage.

"Aww. Look it's crying, want to give up now?" Tadashi mocked. Hiro's eyes snapped open so fast he didn't even have time to suppress the new wave of tears that suddenly spilled out. He was shocked, how could Tadashi say that. He wasn't in his right mind but still.

"Come on Tadashi you don't mean that, It's just the alcohol talking." Hiro said nervously, hoping it would get through to him.

"No, I may have had a bit to drink but I really mean what I'm saying. I have always resented you, you pathetic nerd. I've just been to soft to admit it. The only thing the alcohol has done is give me the strength to speak my mind for once." He hissed darkly. Hiro was even more surprised by his outburst than he had been by his actions. Was that true? No! He couldn't believe it. He wouldn't. But try as he might he couldn't completely ignore the sick feeling of doubt creeping into his heart. He tried to shake free of Tadashi's grip but he wasn't strong enough.

"Stop resisting you little freak." Tadashi's whisper shouted as he tossed him across the room into the wall. Hiro slid to the floor on his back shaking and sore. His world was spinning and he could see nothing but blurry shapes as the kicked and punched him. When his vision cleared he was surprised by the fact that he hadn't been surprised it was Tadashi beating him. What was even more painful were the things he said.

_loser_

_weak_

_disappointment_

_freak_

_nerd_

What was going on? Was Tadashi really just drunk and confused? Or had he been telling the truth.

"Are you ready to give in and do as I say now?" Tadashi asked with a cruel smirk.

"N-no," Hiro stuttered. He was scared what would happen next but he couldn't cave.

"Guess I need to be more persuasive then." Tadashi said, bearing a smile that made Hiro feel sick to his stomach.

He cried out as he was lifted by his ankles again and dragged over to the other side of the room.

He felt his head swing to the right as one of his ankles was released.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched Tadashi open the window with his free hand.

"Oh. Just taking advantage of my resources." He said in a phoney voice of innocence that made Hiro's blood run cold. He then got the shock of his life as Tadashi squeezed tightly around his angles and threw him head first out the window.

"Ah! What! Oh god, oh no. Help!" Hiro cried as he found himself suspended upside-down about 30ft in the air. He prayed to every god he could think of that Tadashi wouldn't let go.

"How bout now?" Tadashi asked innocently.

"Ne-ne-ever." Hiro stuttered. Although he wasn't so sure right now.

"Okay then." Tadashi replied, before releasing his right hand. Hiro screamed in shock and fear as was flung sideways by the force.

"Okay. Okay." He cried in a defeated tone. "I swear I'll do anything you say just please don't let go." He begged.

"Good. And…" Tadashi said.

"And what?" Hiro asked, hadn't Tadashi just wanted him to do whatever he wanted.

"I don't just want that you know. I want you to admit that you weaker than me, that I will always be the superior sibling and that you are nothing." Tadashi said, giving Hiro a shake for good measure.

"Okay." Hiro whimpered, determined to get this over with. "I am a weakling, a loser and a freak. You will always be better than me and I will never be worthy to be your brother."

"That's more like it." Tadashi said, pleased with his victory and he dragged Hiro back into the room and dumped him on the floor. Even in the low lighting the cuts and bruises showed all over his body.

"Pathetic." Tadashi muttered as he look down at Hiro. He turned his head up and looked at Tadashi with pleading eyes, hidden behind a rim of water.

"I'm sorry Tadashi, please, please don't hate me." He begged.

"To little to late." Was the cold reply before he was lifted off his feet for the third time that night.

"I will always hate you." Tadashi hissed. "In fact…" He began before moving his head so his mouth was just inches from Hiro's ear and whispering the last sentence. Hiro's eyes snapped open and his whole body started shaking. Tadashi looked the broken and battered form of his brother up and down, seeming satisfied he dropped Hiro and stumbled over to his bed knocking into his desk. Something fell off and clattered onto the floor but he was to put out to pick it up, whatever it was. Hiro curled into a small ball on the floor and began sobbing silently, he didn't even bother trying to hold back his tears anymore. He'd been through to much tonight to care anymore.

After what felt like forever, when the moon was sliding closer and closer to the ground. Hiro finally dragged himself from the floor and into the bathroom. He got quite a shock when he switched on the light. The mirror immediately illuminated what appeared to be him. Only with a split lip, massive purple bruises and crusted blood littering his skin. He knew aunt Cass or Tadashi would ask questions when they saw him like this, and to be honest he just wanted to forget the whole nights experience. So he set about cleaning off the blood and covering his bruises. About and hour later he emerged from the room looking pretty much the same as ever. Though if anyone looked close enough they might spot the, newly acquired, glint of sadness in his eyes. He was seriously tired now but managed to concentrate enough not to knock anything on his way to his bed. He couldn't risk disturbing Tadashi. As soon as he reached his bed he collapsed on to his front letting out an exhausted, but sad sigh. He was still trying to get over what Tadashi said. Did he really mean it? The ugly hateful words kept swimming around his head. He clamped his hands over his ears in an attempt to blot it out. He ended up falling asleep in that position with the sick words being the last thing on his mind.

" _I wish you weren't my brother…"_


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh what." Tadashi groaned as he got up. He felt like someone was banging his head repeatedly with a bat. Or playing the drums right next to his ear with an amplifier. He tried to sit up but that just made him feel worse. What the heck happened last night. The last thing he remembered was… Ah! the whole evening was a blur. He did remember something about graduation and a party but otherwise a total blur. He turned sideways and opened his eyes so he had a good view of his brothers bed. As per usual Hiro was still asleep, curled into a ball at the top of his bed. _Typical, He's got to be the laziest person on the planet._

Though he wasn't exactly one to talk at the minute, he had such a bad headache he couldn't even sit up without getting to urge to throw up. He wasn't quite sure why he felt so horrible but decided to think about it later and just sleep it off for now.

_2 hours later…_

Tadashi emerged from the bathroom feeling much fresher and almost normal. Whatever had been wrong with him this morning was clearly over and done with. A good few hours sleep had really done him some good. He walked back into the bedroom to check on Hiro. He found his young brother crosslegged on his bed ready an incredibly oversized book.

"Morning Bonehead." He called to Hiro as he headed over to his side of the room.

"Oh hey." Hiro said looking up from his book, clearly startled by his brothers sudden appearance.

"Sleep well?" Tadashi asked him as he sat down on his bed.

"Yeah, yeah fine." Hiro replied quietly. He seemed oddly shy and reserved this morning. That wasn't like him, he was usually a short bundle of energy. Constantly trying to get Tadashi to play with him or build robots together.

"Something wrong?" Tadashi asked, voicing his previous thoughts.

"No, of course not." Hiro answered, glancing cautiously up from his book. Tadashi smiled when their eyes met, he expected Hiro to smile back, to his surprise the younger Hamada decided to break eye contact and stare at his book again. He seemed almost nervous, why could that be? He tried to think of possible reasons for his brothers strange behaviour when his stomach growled.

"Oh man I'm hungry." He moaned leaning back on his bed. He'd totally forgotten to eat breakfast this morning.

"Really? I can go get you something." Hiro said tossing his book down and jumping off his bed.

"Oh, no it's ok I…" Tadashi started to say when a load slam cut him off. That was strange. Hiro rushing to do stuff for him. That was a bit out of character. Not that he was complaining. He skimmed his eyes over the room for a few minutes before deciding to take a look at some of the college brochures aunt Cass had got him. He was seriously considering going to SFIT but there was no harm in having a look around. There was no rush after.

He was halfway through another of his SFIT leaflets when the door opened and Hiro came in lugging a tray of food with him.

"Woah, hey who's birthday is it." Tadashi joked running to help his brother.

"I'm sorry we were all out of your favourite pastry's so I got extra donuts." Hiro babbled whilst setting the tray down on Tadashi's desk. Tadashi just stared at him, completely baffled.

"Ok what do you want?" He asked smugly.

"What are talking about," Hiro asked, seeming genuinely confused.

"You only suck up to me or aunt Cass like this when you want something." Tadashi stated giving his brother a knowing glance.

"I don't want anything." Hiro said simply.

"Come on." Tadashi said taking a step towards Hiro, he was really surprised when Hiro suddenly flinched and backed away. He seemed almost afraid… Why?

Tadashi stood still for a minute just looking Hiro up and down. He suddenly caught a glimpse of something on Hiro's wrist but his sleeve was concealing it enough that he couldn't tell what it was.

"What's that?" He asked pointing at the wrist of his brother.

"What?" Hiro said looking to where his brother was pointing. He gasped slightly and pulled his sleeve down. Tadashi's eyebrows shot up at that, now he knew something was up.

"Hiro…" He drew out. Hiro bit his lip and shuffled his feet a little, clearly unsure of what to say. He bowed his head timidly as Tadashi kneeled down so he was level with his brother. Hiro's eyes had suddenly taken a strong interest in the floor, Tadashi saw his chance. He grabbed his brothers wrist, a little harder than intended, and hauled his sleeve up. He retracted in shock as his eyes fell upon the large purplish black bruises that plastered his brother's skin. Hiro pulled away also, fear evidently sprouting in his eyes.

"Hiro?" Tadashi whispered in shock. He moved slowly towards his, now cowering, little brother. He stopped short when Hiro recoiled from him almost as though he was scared he was going to hurt him.

"Who did this?" Tadashi asked as calmly as possible. Anger was slowly bubbling inside him at the thought of someone harming his baby brother. Hiro's breathing quickened and he began twiddling his thumbs clearly reluctant to answer. Tadashi carefully placed his hands on Hiro's shoulders.

"Hiro tell me who did this to you." He said quietly but still dead serious.  
"It doesn't matter, really." Hiro said shaking his shoulders free and trying to squeeze round Tadashi. But Tadashi's wasn't letting him go until he discovered who it was that thought it was ok to lay a finger on his little brother.

"Could you move, I'm trying to get by." Hiro muttered bitterly.

"Not until you tell me whats going on." Tadashi said.

"Nothing! Ok, just leave it." Hiro cried pushing Tadashi out of the way and making a break for the door.

"Hiro!" Tadashi called after him but he was already gone, slamming the door behind him. Tadashi sighed, still staring at the door. _Well that went well_ he thought sarcastically. He knew Hiro was stubborn and more often than not there was a good reason Hiro kept from saying something. Tadashi generally respected that, but when it came to things like physical abuse (or any abuse for that matter) he had to know. It was his job as Hiro's older brother to protect him. He sighed heavily and rose from the floor. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, wondering what to do. He considered going after Hiro but he'd probably get upset with him again. On the other hand he had to know what had happened. He took a step forward only to kick his toe against something.

"Ow…" He sucked in a breath and squeezed his toe to stop it throbbing. Out the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of what it was he'd kicked, a camera. Hiro's camera. He completely forgot about his foot and immediately focused on the silver video camera at his feet. He bent over and picked it up. He knew he should put it back on Hiro's desk and just forget about it, but something seemed to be compelling him to open it. He flicked the screen open and opened the file menu. There were several short videos, mostly just of Hiro's projects or trips or random things he found funny. The most recent one however was apparently a whole hour long. What would Hiro record for a whole hour. He knew this was an invasion of his brothers privacy and he should just close it and pretend nothing happened. But his protective older brother instincts were imploring him to keep going, and they almost always over weighed logic. So he took a deep breath and opened the video.

The screen was immediately taken over by none other than Mochi jumping around on his bed. Tadashi smiled despite himself, it was pretty funny. In the background of the video Hiro was also laughing. His laughter was suddenly cut out by the sound of the door opening. He looked up but the door he was facing was still closed, it took him a moment to work out it had been the door on the video that had opened.

" _Tadashi!"_ He heard the video Hiro yell. The picture moved slightly so there was now a perfect view of Hiro's space. He inwardly sighed at that, Hiro had been so happy to see him he'd forgotten to turn the camera off. That was why it lasted so long. He was about to turn it off when he heard himself speak.

" _What are you doing?!"_ That was not him. It couldn't be. They way he'd spoke, he never spoke like that.

" _I was just trying to help."_ Said Hiro. He sounded scared, But why? He wasn't going to hurt Hiro. He'd never do that. His thoughts were interrupted again as the him on screen staggered into view. Only to topple sideways. Tadashi winced slightly, that would have been a painful fall had Hiro not caught him. There was no denying it was him now, but why couldn't he remember any of this. He didn't have time to think it over as the video him moved up onto his own feet again, whilst Hiro tried to help. He smiled slightly, though he rarely mentioned it, it was no secret that Hiro cared for him a great deal. His smile froze as he said _"I told you I didn't need any help."_ Why did he seem so angry. _"you think you know what I need. Ha! I think I know myself a bit better than you do Hiro, don't think just cause everyone else sucks up to you because you're smart I'm going to listen to what you say like it's actually important."_ What! Tadashi's movement synchronised with that of the onscreen Hiro. He was beyond shocked, how could he say something like that, what was he doing!

" _Tadashi you're tired, just let me help you to bed and then…"_ Hiro's reasoning was cut off as Tadashi's hand connected with his cheek. The present Tadashi gasped and drew back, dropping the camera. He held his breath for a moment as a sickening layer of ice began growing up his back. He had hit Hiro. His own brother, whom he'd swore to protect. No this couldn't be real. He clutched his head as though hoping he could pull the image right out of it. Was he the one responsible for his brothers bruises? He opened his eyes and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. He had the sudden desire to grab the camera and chuck it out the window but resisted. As much as it pained him he knew he had to know more. So he, very cautiously, picked the camera back up and continued to watch.

" _What are you doing?"_ Hiro was asking. The desperate tone in his voice only made Tadashi's pain worsen. Hiro was scared, of him? How could he let this happen. He watched in horror as he kicked his little brother until he drew blood. It took all the strength he had not to break down and smash the camera to pieces when he heard Hiro's pleas for him to stop.

" _Aww look it's crying, want to give up now?"_ The screen him mocked coldly. _No no no no no no no._ Tadashi kept thinking, he was practically ready to collapse on his knees and beg himself not to hurt Hiro. He knew it would be pointless but his older brother instincts were having a full meltdown.

" _Come on Tadashi you don't mean that, It's just the alcohol talking."_ The screen Hiro said. Alcohol! No way that can't be. he'd never drink too much, he was to careful for that. It would explain why he was sick this morning though, and his friends could sometimes talk him into bad things when he went out…

" _I have always resented you, you pathetic nerd. I've just been to soft to admit it. The only thing the alcohol has done is give me the strength to speak my mind for once."_ The screen him hissed right in Hiro's face. He could feel his whole body shaking now, in fear or anger he couldn't tell. How could he? Why? Thats what he really wanted to know; he knew he didn't really feel that way so why would he say that. Unfortunately he couldn't remember any of this and had no way of knowing what compelled him to act so horribly towards his poor brother. Tears began to cloud his vision, the vision of him beating and insulting his brother. Every punch Hiro took found a way to smash back into Tadashi's heart. What sickened him most was the cruel smirk the screen him was wearing. It seemed he was enjoying this, but that wasn't possible. He would never enjoy hurting Hiro this way. On the other hand he didn't think he would hurt Hiro like this in the first place, and that didn't seem to be working out so well.

" _What are you doing?"_ Hiro's voice was saying, Tadashi looked back at the screen in time to see Himself throw Hiro out the window.

"NO!" He really did cry out that time. Fear for his little brother overtaking him completely. Almost weighing out the guilt already eating at his heart.

 _"Okay. Okay." H_ _iro cried in a defeated tone. "I swear I'll do anything you say just please don't let go."_ Tadashi's eye's flew open at that. He'd never actually heard Hiro beg before. Even when the kids at school were being mean to him he never caved in. It just wasn't like him. _I did this._ Tadashi thought sadly.

_"I don't just want that you know. I want you to admit that you weaker than me, that I will always be the superior sibling and that you are nothing." The other T_ _adashi said_ _._

_"Okay." Hiro whimpered, "I am a weakling, a loser and a freak. You will always be better than me and I will never be worthy to be your brother."_ No that wasn't true. _I love you Hiro, don't think that way, of course you're worthy if anything I am unworthy._ Tadashi thought, after seeing this he defiantly didn't feel deserving of a brother like Hiro.

 _"I'm sorry Tadashi, please, please don't hate me." Hiro_ _begged._ _Never, I will never hate you._ Tadashi thought. His heart broke again as the other him brush Hiro off. How dare he lead Hiro to blame himself for this. _Oh Hiro…I'm so so sorry._

 _"I will always hate you." Tadashi hissed. "In fact_ _…_ _"_ The screen Tadashi then whispered something to Hiro that made him visibly break. Tadashi didn't miss the way Hiro's eyes widened and sobs began shaking his battered body as the past Tadashi dropped him and staggered out of view. Now all the video showed was a very broken and pained Hiro. It made Tadashi's heart fill with hatred. Hatred for himself and how he hurt Hiro. Something clicked in his head about the way Hiro had acted this morning, he hadn't been after something he was scared of what would happen if he wasn't obedient. _Oh god…_

The image suddenly blurred as something knocked into the desk causing the camera to fall. Then the entire screen went black as the video ended. Good, Tadashi wasn't sure he could look one more second at his brothers shattered form. The room began to settle into and icy silence as Tadashi slowly sank into his new ocean of emotion **(A/N Rhyme not intended but feel free to enjoy it anyway)**. He was drowning in his own guilt and knew these memories would keep him anchored there as long as they were in his head. Tadashi was so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed the door open, until Hiro was directly in front of him.

"Um, aunt Cass says lunch is ready." He said cautiously, clearly confused by his brother's state. Tadashi hadn't exactly realised it but he certainly looked a sight, with his hair stuck out everywhere from being clung to and soft channels of water flowing down his cheeks.

"Is something wrong?" Hiro asked innocently. Not the kind of fake innocence Tadashi had spoke with last night, but the genuine childlike innocence that came with a child's ignorance. Hearing how strong and happy Hiro sounded while the pain he'd gone through was so clear in his eyes slashed hard across Tadashi's heart. He couldn't hold it in anymore, he suddenly embraced his little brother in a hug as tears poured freely out his eyes.

"Tadashi?" Hiro asked confused. He hesitantly returned his brother's hug, still unsure what had come over him.

"Oh Hiro I'm so so so sorry." Tadashi sobbed into his shoulder.

"What?" Hiro asked, he had a sick feeling Tadashi knew what had happened last night, but how?

"I can't believe I hurt you. I promise I didn't mean it, I just…" His voice cracked and he didn't know how to explain what happened, even he didn't understand it.

"How did you..?" Hiro stuttered trying to break for his brothers grasp but Tadashi clung on refusing to let his brother go.

"I don't expect you meant to leave it on." He said in a somewhat bittersweet tone as his sadness was mixed with amusement at Hiro's forgetfulness. Hiro himself was still puzzled until he saw the camera at his feet, then it clicked. Oh man! Tadashi must have seen everything. No. He'd hoped to prevent this. He mentally slapped himself for being such an idiot. He just _had_ to accidentally leave his camera on, pointing directly at the area Tadashi had, dare he say, attacked him. This had to be one of the worse coincidences in history, right up there with Titanic and Umberto **(A/N I looked this up online cause I couldn't think of another)**. Ok maybe he was exaggerating there, but this definitely wasn't good. He felt even less okay about everything when Tadashi broke their hug and forced Hiro to look at him.

"Look it's no big deal can't we just forget about it." Hiro said, silently pleading that Tadashi would agree with him.

"No big deal!" Tadashi cried. "Hiro I tried to…" He couldn't even bring himself to finish his sentence. He didn't really have to Hiro had an pretty good idea of what he was going to say.

"Look Tadashi it was…" Hiro started to say but Tadashi cut him off.

"What did I say?" He demanded.

"What?" Hiro asked.

"At the end of the video, I whispered something to you, what was it?" He said, a little quieter this time. Hiro took a step back. He'd tried to put what Tadashi had said out of his mind; and up until now it'd been going pretty well.

"It was…" He began, but just thinking about made him feel sick. "Unimportant." He decided to say, hoping Tadashi would get the message and just drop it.

Tadashi knew better, the way Hiro had reacted on the video was enough for him to know it must have been pretty bad.

"Hiro, please." He said giving his brothers shoulders a light shake. "I need to know." He really did, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep easy until they'd gotten this sorted out.

"Alright." Hiro yelled in frustration. Tadashi released his shoulders, startled by his sudden outburst. Hiro took a step back as well so they were both staring, cautiously, at each other.

"You said." Hiro began, he didn't want Tadashi to know but on the other hand he knew he had to. So he took a deep breath, "You said you wished I wasn't your brother." Tadashi shifted as though he'd just been punched in the gut. An unsettling silence set over the room for a moment before a sigh from Tadashi sliced through it. He lowered his hands and got up, only to sit back down on his bed. He dropped his head in his hands unsure of what to say.

"Sorry." Hiro muttered walking over to face his brother. An empty laugh escaped from Tadashi's throat at hearing his brother apologise.

"I should be the one apologising." He said hopelessly.

"It wasn't your fault." Hiro attempted to console his brother.

"Stop." Tadashi said.

"What?" Hiro asked, confused.

"Stop making excuses for me." Tadashi said, once again letting a bittersweet smile grace his face. Hiro climbed onto his brothers bed and put his arms round him. He wasn't really one for being emotional but he knew that some situations, like this, required it and was willing to, temporarily take his walls down. He felt Tadashi tense at first but eventually he relaxed and returned the hug. Hiro couldn't take holding it in anymore and started sobbing. Tadashi rubbed his back soothingly and found a few stray tears of his own sliding down his face. The two of them just stayed that way for a few minutes silently releasing their emotions. Eventually Tadashi's tears dried up and Hiro's sobs became soft sniffs. The two of them broke apart and just looked at each other for a minute unsure of what to say.

"So uh…" Tadashi mused fiddling with the laces on his shoes. Hiro gave a nervous laugh and started swinging his feet slightly.

"Listen I want you to know I didn't mean any of what I said last night." Tadashi said.

"Oh thats ok I…" Hiro started before Tadashi exploded.

"No! It isn't _ok_ Hiro! I really hurt you and said stuff that I can't believe I said and the worst thing is I can't remember any of it so I don't know why I would act that way. Every time I think about it nothing makes sense I love you and I know you love me to even if you hate saying it." He kept on rambling. Hiro waited patiently for him to stop before he spoke.

"Ok first you're right I hate saying I love you." He said lightly, reliving some of the tension in the room. "Secondly you were probably just drunk and confused, I know you didn't really mean any of it to happen."

"Then why were you acting so obedient this morning?" Tadashi asked.

"Because, well… I uh…" Hiro stuttered unable to come up with an excuse.

"No more hiding Hiro I've seen to much already." Tadashi said, calmly yet still dead serious. Hiro sighed knowing there really was no point in covering up anymore.

"I know that you didn't mean any of what you said but I also know it was true, you've always been a better brother to me then I ever have." He said sadly. Tadashi was quite taken aback by this. He hadn't expected Hiro to say that and he defiantly wouldn't stand for him thinking it.

"Hiro never think that ok." He said, grabbing his brothers shoulders and forcing him to look him in the eye. "You're always there when I need even if you don't always like it. You remember all our important events, and I always enjoy spending time with you. _So_ you don't always clean your room or show up for things on time. You're not a perfect brother but you are the only brother I want." Hiro was just staring at Tadashi in disbelief by the end of it.

"You really mean that." He asked, hopefully. Tadashi just nodded his head seriously. Hiro's mouth suddenly spread the entire length of his face and threw his arms around Tadashi for the third time that day.

"Promise me you'll never change?" Tadashi asked.

"Yeah, if you promise to never drink ever again." Hiro laughed.

"Agreed." Tadashi laughed to, happy they could finally laugh about this. They broke away from each other smiling.

"Come on, lets get some lunch." Tadashi said getting up.

"Yeah, race you there." Hiro cried, his youthful energy finally restored as he bolted from the room. Tadashi smiled fondly as he stood in the doorway watching his brother's, rapidly retreating, figure. He leaned on the door frame just thinking for a minute.

_I'm really glad you're my brother Hiro._


End file.
